Mr. Mig is gonna

heynowjoey @ 2005-09-16T21:01:00

2005-09-17T01:12:35Z

I know this entry is gonna be mega lame but i need to write tis

I need someone to talk to. I need a friend. I dont have any friends that i can speak my mind with anymore. They're all gone. Its okay but i just realized today in algebra 2 that life got really bad for me over this past summer, the worst its ever been, and its funny that at that point the peopel who i once thought were close to me and once i could talk to for hours sharing thoughts and expressing what crazy teenage turbulence was inside of us. Because i figured maybe he'd have something to say that relates to my problems. I figured maybe he could tell me that thats fine and everyone goes through that. But I dont have that anymore.

I flipped my truck into a river on top of all of it,

I am closer to god then i ever have been.

My life flashed before my eyes and i couldve swore i was ready to die, then when it happened i survived somehow.

I FLIPPED MY TRUCK OVER WITH TWO OTHER PEOPLE IN IT UPSIDE DOWN INTO A RIVER. NONE OF US WERE WEARING SEATBELTS TEH ROOF CAVED IN TO THE STEERING WHEEL YET WE ALL GOT OUT WITHOUT A SCRATCH.

tell me what up with that. I could tallk for hours about how god saved me and ryan and ATk.
for the love of it all i could tell you and exchanged thoughts about god and how much hes changed me and how much threw these things ive seen him. and how he is more real then many ever know.

I was spared my life. But it wasnt the first time.

For all thats good i just need someone to talk to

help me.

Theres feelings inside me that ive never felt b4 and its the scariest thing yet teh most powerful ever.

I have dreams where all i hear is metal crunching like a fucking tin can and i cant see anything because im blind but its just this terrible crushing noise and people are screaming, not even pausing for a breath just fucking screaming.

I havnt had a drink since the accident only because all my booze was in my truck.

I have gone threw night remebering that special ZING the alcohol had on my lips and i want it so bad. I havnt been trashed in exactly 1 month two days ago

I have this increadable craving to get stoned out of my mind.

I want to do all these things that are bad and i dont know why.

I want to get this huge tatoo of a cross on my entire back and just show god just how much i need him and am depended on him. I wanna know why he saved me, i wanna know why im still alive. I wonder always what hes saving me for.

I miss the feeling of uncertenty. I fucking miss that the most.

i need a friend.

heynowjoey @ 2005-07-22T08:50:00

2005-07-22T12:56:08Z

dude everyone has myspaces

haha!

uhh, i should get one

uhh

liq b4 beer your in the clear

Oh yeah i just wanted to throw this out there, and you can take it and throw it right back but uhh, I want to be on you, uhh, I, I want to be on you! ...... I want to be on you!

Independece day is just a huge ass america rules movie. I watched it and was like? fuck yeah. Then i watch my history video and i was like, America, Fuck yeah.

thats all i got

heynowjoey @ 2005-07-01T16:21:00

2005-07-01T20:29:16Z

uhhh man

i dont feel very good about my camaro.

Me and my dad argued about it for awhile today then we totalled up the build for it.

the rear chassis will cost 2300

the body panels for it will cost 2000

ad in some variables and round up to 5k to get teh car off the chassis jig.

Wow, my dad heard that and flipped out.

Now he then figured 15k more into the motor tranny and body and paint and then he said lets just buy a car done for that much

I said okay.

ah shit i really wanna hot rod it cuz it would be so flippin nice when i get done with it, but i really want it done for high school,. and this car aint gonna cut it.

So fuck me.

what to do?

Oh yeah BTW pink floyd getting together for teh first time in liek 28 years

yes Rodger waters and Gilmore will be on the same stage.

Holy shit

heynowjoey @ 2005-06-29T23:48:00

2005-06-30T03:56:22Z

i filled up today, uhhh i love my truck. I think my gas milage accually whent down after putting the cap back on so thats coming off. Yeah i had 323 on the clock and i got 18.5 gallons. Thats 17.5 miles per gallon. Thats all city driving too. Not bad for such an extreamly powerful truck (haha big JK)

I watched the wall again today for liek the 50th time

and my favorite time of day is the night time cuz its all just about me and trying as hard as i can to turn offf the damn lights wha'll im cocked off my mind.

I've got the inevitable pin hole burns. Got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains. I've got wild staring eyes, and i've got a strong urge to fly, but ive got no where to fly to.

Theres nobody home

I wish i could say this summers better then last but, in some cases its not.

Ahhh shit what are you gonna do, I know

"fuck shit niggers"

problem solved!??

Yay

OMFG SUMMER I LOVE GIRLS WHO LOVE AUTOMOBILES

2005-06-27T14:35:49Z

So the doors almost finished. Its very smooth now, cause the shit is bananas? YEAH.

I've never done a burnout at 90 mph, but sunday changed that. Thanks to a Big block 55 chevy pickup with 4 on the floor. I think i diharreaed in my pants. It was incread.

Summers too dull so far. wheres the beef?

Friday night was sick, i belive, i really cant remeber. It was very very crazy. I called a bunch of kids, but i remeber calling adam and was liek

"Unique Unork, ahhh fuck hold on ill get it, unique unork, god damnit one more, unique unork, hey i think i got it on that one!"

Yeah i was gone

Zack is a wicked crazy name BTW

HAHAHA only adam gets it.

im wearing the volcom shirt, ha you know it.

beeh

2005-06-22T03:13:17Z

So derek hit the monte when it was parked and smashed the door in perdy good so gordon got a newer door from the junk yard. I've been doing the bodywork on it and its pretty rough on some spots. I sanded it donw with 80 then stepped it up to 320 and then i put filler on the low spots and rusty holes, theres many holes in it, so naturally, i mixed allot of filler. The door is increadibly strait now. Im gonna sand the filler i put on today down tommorow, then put a little more down then prime her up.

if it comes out nice i want 50 dollars, thats a fuck shitter of a deal. And so far, its the balls, the fucking balls.

I need to shower i look like poopy

Hi Rory, who said i had no customers>!?!??!

HAHAHA JK MAYBS

you missed an excellent 4 square game BTW

heynowjoey @ 2005-06-07T17:20:00

2005-06-07T21:31:24Z

I have a flippin soar throat whats up with that!?!?!
Class elections were today, def came in second to malcom, but i did good, there were allot of people running so i feel good about how i did. Yeah i made the speach with my soar throat and all, and before i did it i whent up to the mic and said "How now brow cow, How now brow cow, unique new york" hahaha it was fun.

God i've been so busy latley, it seems im always doing somthing. Two nights ago i got no sleep and then had my math midterm to do, then i took a nap, and it was good. But i got woken up when an ant bit my stomach. That really hurt. flippin ants.

I need to go to welch's welding bad, i gotta get some 2x4x.120 frame rails for the camaro.

Me and Georgine are not doing very good either...

heynowjoey @ 2005-05-31T20:25:00

2005-06-01T00:40:28Z

today was sick, i whent to work after school and almsot finished sandin the Cobra down, flippin sweet.

Thats to me, taht cobra kicks ass. Im priming it tommorow.

Then i got metal with my dad and im wicked exited. Yeah, i like the feel of steel.
heh, okay ill stop

Jammed with gordon today, then his mom said it was his bed time ha ha aha gordon. we got some sick beats

Then i entered this entry. SWEET.

now im gonna go buy more camaro stuff.

Camaro

2005-05-30T23:16:26Z

So i returned my ladder bars in exchange for an Art Morssison triangulated four bar rear suspention with coil overs and a sway bar. Okay for those who dont get it, its basically my favorite animal, its a combination lion tiger, its a lyger and its sickkk.

Yeah get the facts at www.artmorrison.com

Oooo i got my hair molested, i mean cut. It looks like a gay.

I totally decked out my sand blaster today... SICK

I dunno, peace.

3 different ones

2005-05-22T15:06:15Z

I gotta update

Call Joey, Westford (cell) 978-846-3502

2005-05-17T00:55:33Z

Since my last update!!!!!

Well I got rear ended about a month ago, although it seems much longer. It accually happened on me and georgines 5 month. Kinder weird. well i was hit from behind by a big ford F350, its a very large truck. And my little dakota got hit good. well It got totalled but i got to keep it cuz it was a third party total. Sweet. Well yeah i did some welding and made it halfway decent, repainted it and its ok now. Yeah when your driving, pay attention to what the hells infront of you. jesus. well its accually all good cuz in the end it helped me allot, hahahaha thank ya.

So after this accident i whent over to phase two auto body and talked to my dads buddy Jim Beckwith, who owns phase two. long story short, im working saturdays there now. Jim may also have me work at his house on his cars. FLIPPIN SWEET.

Me and georgine have been going out for a half a year now. It realy seems like i've known her forever tho. I surprised her wicked on saturday, okay heres what i did. (and i always do shit liek this cuz its so much fun)
Okay- i drove down her road with my lights off totally stelth in teh dark and rolled up got out of teh window so teh cab light wouldnt come on and i put the nice ring i got her in her mail box and rolled the dakota back out of sight then i hid in teh woods, called he and told her to check her mail. when she came out she got teh box opened it and started screaming then i ran out of the woods. It was so sick.

The Camaro.
I jsut spent $320 on my adjustable ladderbars. they will be increadable. I did allot of work sandblasting, preping and priming the body. I'll ahve the floors in once i mock up the ladderbars on some tubing that butch supplied for now. It will be nice

My confermation was yesterday. It whent very well. I dont feel any different physically but mentally i feel like i just proclaimed my religion to everyone. Im proud. Ya its a sacrament so its a big deal. I really geel closer to God.

Tim and Butch came, although tims cell rang half threw and he had to go to nagog on call. I was pretty bummed. Georgines family came, they have really done allot for me and im glad they came.

Kay fellers, MCAS tommorow. What a joke, really its so rediculusly easy, everyones so afraid there gonna fail. PFFt, we'll do great, now get to bed tools.

what a woot

2005-05-09T01:21:09Z

id update , but im gonna go listen to the wall on vynil

I SENTENCE YOU TO BE EXPOSED BEFORE YOUR PEERS!!

TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!TEAR DOWN THE WALL!

i got a new job at phase two auto body

and ive been workin gon my camaro allot

and georgines bday is tommorow!

gotta update this stuff

2005-04-25T23:11:08Z

yeah i need to update, but i gotta do a bio lab! so ill do it later, allot happened BTW. ahaha chill peace

heynowjoey @ 2005-04-07T20:30:00

2005-04-08T00:55:17Z

Im so pumped to get my new truck.

LIKE NIGGERS

uh i dunno what else to say!
I just really want that truck now, i need to weld. i cant wait that trucks gonna be sick.

Fliipin UHHHHH

TICKING AWAY THE MOMENTS THAT MAKE UP A DULL DAY

FRITTER AND WASTE THE HOURS IN AN OFFHAND WAY

KICKING AROUND ON A PEICE OF GROUND IN YOUR HOME TOWN

WIATING FOR SOMEONE OR SOMTHING TO SHOW YOU THE WAY

Mr Bowtie

2005-04-06T00:20:59Z

YAr,

so i've been going to work everyday after school and put in a few hours for 2 weeks now. My body needs recovery time! Moneys great

Gas prices are soring, up ten cents a gallon for special. Its $2.27 a gallon now. What is up. A big blocks gonna suck but its all good. Thats why im pairing it to a TH-700R4- overdrive!

I got a sick shirt yesterday. I hung out with Corey, Adam and Justin today and Justin shot me with a fully automatic airsoft gun. He unloaded on me. It felt good.i got two nice bullet wounds, its sick.

NAGOG TRUCKS UPDATE::::::::

The sander has a 400,
The rack truck has a 460.
Tim said the blue truck was very nice and the best of all the fords there.
He also gave me his yellow truck today!!!!

1978 Chevy C10

Hot fudge!

Peace

oatmeal

2005-04-01T00:21:08Z

OMG!

So, uh, cant weld saturday. Uncle Sam said its gonna rain. POOP. alright alright

I drove Jess and Georgine to drivers ed today. Good stuff, we listend to nigger music, gotta love fiddy.

UH

got a nice big paycheck today so imma gonna order my ladderbars for my death rocket i mean camaro

I have this huge history thing, POOP
okay i gotta do it now

PEACE

JOEY

Racist

2005-03-30T02:14:08Z

We are welding angelas Blazer saturday

I cant wait to fuck that rust up. UHHH Welding is so sick.

Then tom and I are sleeping over, mabey if gordon will allow it, Georgine can sleep over! HHAHHAHHAHA.

SICK

DUDe,
Im such a racist, like i say "nigger" allot

what ever

okay now im really done

KAY

BYEZ

P-rill, where my niggas at?

2005-03-30T01:47:07Z

Okay, today i whent to school.
Followed that shortly with some work at NWCC till 4 today thank the gods of cereal. I whent over to Georgines after and hung out, we played !!UNO!! which i am very good at with her sister natalie. I own at !!UNO!! I must say. ERRR what else!, Her dad made some nice pork for dinner and i proceeded to consume much of it.

I want to go work on my car untill the wee hours of the morning. Uh i cant wait to get it going

I've changed plans on it. making it a more viscious and fast car but with a pro touring edge. It will rape large african american males. or in car terms what we like to call, just about anything.

Im putting a 427 Big block in it, becauseas far as im consered thats all a camaro should have, at le3ast and old one.

What else

I welded Gordons mustang, It was fun. Got some niiice burns but i like it when it hurts ;)

HMMM

Georgine's doing drivers ed now!! shell be on the road soon kiddies.

Okay thats all

Peace out my homies

Joe out

garbage

2005-03-29T00:54:11Z

So today after school I went into the NWCC and worked till 530. i like makin money. but I got wicked soaked and these hindu people wouldnt stop looking at me. I wanted to step on there heads till i got brains all over my boots. But i was too tired. So yeah i had to un-flood this basement. MM fun.

Easter was great. I when over to Georgines Uncle's and it was sick. It was a great easter, i really like her family. Her Uncle Bill and I talked for like an hour because he owns an autobody and we just shot the shit for awhile it was great. Yeah Me and G had a wicked time Easter, it was great.

Almost time to get rolling on the Camaro again. cait wait. Im really gettin exited. yeah nothing new i guess.

Me and G are doing wicked good, we've been going out for just about 5 months now. Lifes never been better. thanks G.

I finally have money again sice i bought the truck!

I got a huge paycheck from work and its like UUUHHHHGGOOOOOOOOOODDDDD orgasum

now i can buy shit.

Peace

JOE OUT

yarrr

heynowjoey @ 2005-02-11T18:49:00

2005-02-12T00:19:44Z

I don't think I'll ever understand how people can pass judgment in such a manner.

I'm always the one at fault apparently. That's why I used to be a quiet kid. I learned that young, i guess. I'm always gonna be the one who gets the blame. Its just the way things happend, and Its depressing as hell. Ever since I was little, I never stood up for anything, I was an observer. so what. Why is mike and gordon assuming all these things about georgine? God that really pisses me off, but again, im not gonna do anything about it. Im at fault here right? Im getting very sick of it. I was very angry at mike a short while ago because he thought me and Georgine had no structure other then sex. After my last post he seemed to understand what our relationship is really like. They have jumped to conclutions very quickly, then harrassed me for things That wernt even happening and I wasnt ever doing. God that really aggrivates me.
So mike finally finds out I was mad at him for saying Georgines a bad thing. Because again, I never stand up for myself, nor do I speak up for what im really thinking, at least not around them. And hes not very happy about the way he made me felt, when in fact what he was saying was an insult to me, telling me everything I was doing was wrong, when i was never doing anything to begin with.
"Don't Forget condoms!"
Wow.

Remember, I'm the one being an asshole here.

i don't know why Im being told im doing everything wrong. You dont even know waht im doing. Please just dont pass judgment on me and especially her unless you know first hand what its like. Would'nt it be nice, If i could have them be invisable during one of my visits. Then i think they'd owe me an apoligy for being so hateful towards me and her. Shes not a bad person, did you ever consider that?

I understand that you looking out for me, but when i try to tell you my side it seems pointless.
Thats why im gonna let it all roll by, i did listen to you, and I'll admit I got a little off track. I was overwhelmed at first. But now, I've got this. But you still pound me for offences I'm not commiting. I guess your keeping me in line, but mabey this level isnt neccisary.

So Im either just going to ignore you or you should tell me somthing thats good for me.

Im probly gonna make people mad with this entry,

Again;

That's what I get for speaking my mind...

Yay Live journals.....................

heynowjoey @ 2005-02-07T18:03:00

2005-02-07T23:23:52Z

My, people are interesting!

Okay, so whats up?

Heres whats going on, Its winter, but its strating to get warmer. I feel like Everyday Im geting happier and happier. Winter time has usally always been hard on me. After splitting wood all fall and really busting ass, I gotta load and unload countless truckloads of wood to keep the family from freezing. I really dont mind the work though. Really, I like helping my old man out, I really do. And to be honest I always feel like such a productive person when i chop wood and load it. Because Im making a difference. Any ways.

Im still working at the good ol' N.W.C.C.
My, thats quite the place. I've been an employee there for a little over a year now and whent form making 8 and hour to 12. Ill be honest, I'd do it even if they didnt pay me. Work kicks ass. Its a reall thrill, and I learn so many life skills while im there. I can do just about any house mantainece/grouds keeping you could ask. Reacently shoveling and ploweing has been a bitch, i had to go in allot reacently. and my back still hurts now. Its a bitch somtimes, but i put in allot of time on the clock. and double overtime is flippin sweet. The people there are truly real good guys. Granted half of them are doing some crazy drugs, but they are good people, and they'll teach you some really good life lessons. At first they scared the shit outta me, but Im real close with everyone. John left last year to pursue his goal as an automotive technition. I remeber saying goodbye to him and shaking his hand. I felt so strong. Nicks done collage, Nicks a real good guy, Hes a former WA grad and he accually had my dad for a teacher, However Nick made a mistake and Held up a convenience store back in the day. My he has really turned around. K dawg and JC still toke it up, K dawg and I have really grow closer and JC is well, deff, but funny as hell. TY is a reall great guy, Me and him joke around allot and he also takes the time to tell me about his expiriences. Jeff Wayland is another good guy and me and him hang out allot more then anyone else. like outside of work.
And then theres Tim. - Tim was a real quite, truley humble person. It took me and him awhile to warm up to each other, but now were really close. Tim and his brother Butch Are both my Godfathers, and Tim said that he'd be proud to come to my confermation. He took out his highschool year book from 74 and showed me him and butchs pics, FUNNY. He more then anyone else has taught me about life. Hes been thru hard times, and hes really taught me allot.

I bought a freeking Dodge Dakota. Biggest mistake. I suppose its realiable and will get me places but its a 4x2 and a real plain jane truck. Thes a K20 for sale in Pepperal and i got teh number, Imma gonna call him up and talk money. I told my dad i couldnt live with the dakota. So his truck is dying and this truck in pepperall has a plow so were gonna combine and pay for it half and half.

How about the Camaro? I've been getting pretty amped up with it, i cant wait to start work on it again. I finnaly fixed my sandblaster and thats what killed me. Now the rust is fooked up the breet, really the sandblaster is THE TOOL. Im pretty fucking pissed at some people who think this cars a peace of shit, a waste of time and its never gonna get done. Truth is, nobody knows what the meter is in my bank account, I got two, a checking, and a savings AKA "CAMARO" accont. Well my checkings held a nice and steady 2k, thats good. But the Camaro account has a strait even $5,000.00. Chew on that. That will get me my motor and thats it unfortunatly. The Camaro will be done, and it will be an extreamly fast car. You will see. and it will never depreciate in value. all the money i put in ill make profit on. Muscle cars are desireable. and they will continue to be. Not only that, they are so damn flexable, road racer, or pro streeter, they become whatever you want, and they perform.

What I really dont like is being told that im wrong all the time. Especialy from people who dont really know what really is going on. About Georgine. Aparently this is what some people belive, "all we do is have sex". Let me take today for example:

i whent to pepperall today on the harley. It was a nice warm day, sunny and i had a good ride.
Im going there with the knowlage taht her parents arnt going to be home untill 430.
I pull in her driveway at 230.

Heres what happens next.
She answers the door and I told her how happy i was to see her, I noticed her front walk still had some ice on the way to melting so I told her Id shovel it all off. I did that whent inside after 10 minutes took off my boots and she had two cups of hot chocolate, one waiting for me. (getting very sexual huh?) I ask her how her day was and she tells me all about it and I tell her about mine. We went upstairs and into her room and I commented on how neat it was since id last seen it. Then I put the Jimi Hendrix CD i made her mom in her cd player and we listend to some hendi. I told her about then how good she looked and how truly happy that i was we were together. Because I really am. Ill get to that later. Anyways, at this point (this is where we just fuck right??) Are you ready, we kiss, for about 15 seconds. then i look into her eyes for a minute then give her another qwick kiss. (WOW PRETTY SEXUAL) we then played some sick Super nintendo and own up Super Mario. Fun game. her sisters came home at that point aroun 330. I really like her sisters, they are fun to be around, especially natily. Im always making her and Georgine crack up laughting, it makes me feel good. Everytime im with her i always feel good. Her parents are good people too, and they really notice things i do. I do allot of good things, im very polite, I treat georgine very well. Her parents also really like my piano playing, jazz especially. I've never had anyone tell me how much they appreciate my playing. So now im really getting back into piano, I play every night now.

This was just one day for example. I can write many, many more. Im angry people pass judgment on me and say things that arnt true, and that they dont quite understand. I understand they are looking out for me but, when they draw the conclution sex is all we do, I get pissed off. I really do. Shes a really an amazing PERSON. I love her, because shes a good PERSON. I didnt rush anything, evertime we do have sex (4 times now) Its not because my hormones are raging and i need it and want it, Its like expressing how i feel in where word leave off. Last time we did it was two weeks ago, Ive been with her alone ALLOT since then and had i wanted to, i could have done it allot. But I like spending time with her and just being around her. because shes such a good person. Really Im so pissed off about waht some people say. You really dont know whats really going on. So mabey taht clears it up a bit more.

I've been really angry latley, at certain people, certain things that get me. Such as the above topic. So I've been lifting weights allot now. Its a great stress releif and im good at it. I'm really in the best physical and mental shape ive ever been in. I kinda wanna get into a fight. Like a fist fight. I am really getting good at hitting the bag and ive been working out like never before. I was in decent shape b4 but now im realy coming out. One thing im really angry about is the lack of time me and gordon hang out any more, just me and him. I'll admit I miss that. And I dont rember when the last time was I ate dinner over his house and got a good laugh with his old man and just shot the shit. I really miss that.

Things have never been as good as they are now, and I know that things are only going to get better. Licence is 16 days people.
I stoped caring about how people see me at school. It feels great. I dont care what clothes i wear or what ever the fuck people think, cuz it doesnt matter at all. I have a very caring girlfriend who sees me as who i really am. Ive been wearing some funky shirts and such latley and it feels great. Life is good, it really is. I hate drugs, and i hate people who do em. I especially hate alcohol. Im better then that. I have someone special in my life finally, im sorry if thats a problem.

So theres Joey

Ultimum Ephemeris Perscriptio

2004-11-07T15:52:42Z

This is my last entry in this journal before I delete it completly. Im doing this for two reasons;

One: I was told from the start never to write one of these online. I did anyways, and it was a mistake conveying my thoughts to anyone who's behind a computer.

Two: All these entries represent are bad things in my past, which I always try to forget. Not completly so that I'll make the same mistakes, but so that I can still funtion as a human. Bad things have happened to me that I wish never did. Thats my burdon to carry now, I blame no one but myself.

I think those are valid reasons for doing so.

Lifes gotten so much better. I knew deep down this party was going to be a pivitol point, and was it ever. I met this really cute girl, and i hope she calls me, so i guess i'll just live on that hope for now, cuz its all i got. The party couldn't have been much better. Im totally having one every weekend.

So I write this as i take a big turn in my life. I know its one for the better, It couldn't have come at a much perfect time.

I think by deleting this it signifys that the past is gone, I dont have to look at these entries anymore and remeber how bad it was. These entries will be deletled entirely tommorow night. Power off Mike!

I hate being Emo and people who are man, its just no fun.

Gordon, we win I know you realize it.

Second Too Last...

2004-11-05T12:03:13Z

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit

This (entry) is second too last.

tool song, Jimmy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What was it like to see
The face of your own stability
Suddenly look away
Leaving you with the dead and hopeless?

Eleven and she was gone.
Eleven is when we waved good-bye.
Eleven is standing still,
Waiting for me to free him
By coming home.

Moving me with a sound.
Opening me within a gesture.
Drawing me down and in,
Showing me where it all began,
Eleven.

It took so long to realize that
You hold the light that's been leading me back home.

Under a dead ohio sky,
Eleven has been and will be waiting,
Defending his light,
And wondering...
Where the hell have I been?
Sleeping, lost, and numb.
So glad that I have found you.
I am wide awake and heading home.

Hold your light,
Eleven.
Lead me through each gentle step by step
by inch by loaded memory.

I'll move to heal
As soon as pain allows so we can
Reunite and both move on together.

Hold your light,
Eleven. Lead me through each gentle step by step
By inch by loaded memory
'till one and one are one, eleven,
So glow, child, glow.

I'm heading back home.

oh.....

2004-11-02T14:02:02Z

Im surprised its taken me this long to see threw it all, but i do now.

Gordon you were right, its impossable for us to have fun anymore. We cant be happy. I understand now completly what you ment. Thats too bad, but its true, we've just dropped to low. Theres only one way I know and thats to get high. Damn. I remeber why i started drinking and using drugs in the first place, because my life blows. They make me happy. They take the place of the feelings I will never have.
I thought last night about why I stopped drinking in the first place. It made me feel good. I keep on having these dreams that im either killing myself or getting wicked high, or both. So why did i stop? I really dont know. Whatever.

After all we've been threw in our lives, gordon and I both agree that this is the worst its been. Everythings gone wrong.
Theres so much ignorance out there, its eating at me.
There are so many ways to die,
My feelings have been hurt so many times.

I know why We havent died yet.
One,
I feel responsible that if i were to die, id feel I let gordon down. So i cant yet.
Two,
We keep on finding false hopes during the week. such as, party this weekend at my place. Mabey, who knows, just mabey We'll find someone there. Someone who can feel, love. So this is the other reason I keep living, although I know, its not gonna happen, but its still fun to think it might.

Were hanging on at the last strentch of rope, and every day we keep sliding more and more down. then when one of us fall the other whos still on the rope throws out their hand. And the process continues. The ropes almost gone.

Halloween

2004-11-01T01:48:52Z

Okay, so halloween was absolutly incredable.

It was just so much crazy i had such a good time i was laughing like 99% of the time. It was so great. Tom and Mike are crazy kids to hang around with.

Im reading my last post and it kicks ass. Like i really feel for all the entries I make. Anyone else read these things? Cuz only one person talks to me about them. And Its good, but I just wanna know if anyone else cares. Gordon you are the man. I really hope you (who read this) look at that last entry. Its so good. Really tell me, talk to me, communne with me. Converse, please. Im begging.

SO we were at my garage and it was great, Im throwing a party upstairs in the hangout. Were gonna work on it after school, its gonna be sweet. stop putting us at the bottom cuz it hurts. It pisses us off to think we're second to last. Man. Im so in line with leaving you all behind, this parties gonna be great, Omg its gonna be like, HA,

read my last entry, its so meaning full please read it.

Oh
ya
and

Im not a pessamist,
just try to read in-between the lines.

0mg halloween

-Joey